Coping with the death of a loved one in itself can be a difficult experience. Alongside the emotional impact, there are often practical and financial decisions to make, all while managing your own grief. These challenges can feel harder when you’re also supporting a child through bereavement.
It’s natural for parents and carers to feel unsure about how to talk to a child about death – from explaining what dying means, to deciding whether a child should attend a funeral, to supporting them while grieving yourself. There is no perfect way to have these conversations, and it’s normal to worry about saying the wrong thing.
For Children’s Grief Awareness Week, we spoke with our specialist partners at Cruse Bereavement Support. Below, they answer the questions families ask most often when helping a child understand death, grief and saying goodbye. In this guide, we ‘ll be answering the most common questions that we get around: how to explain death, supporting children at funerals, recognising grief and keeping memories alive.
How do I explain death to a child?
Use clear, honest language. Say that when someone dies, their body stops working and they can’t come back. Avoid phrases like ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘passed away’. These can make children afraid of sleeping or waiting for someone to return. Encourage questions and take time to listen. You can use toys, drawings, or simple books to help explain. What matters most is being honest and calm.
What words should I avoid when talking about death?
Avoid euphemisms such as ‘lost’, ‘gone to sleep’, or ‘gone away’. These can confuse or frighten children. Use ‘died’ or ‘dead’. Children often repeat these words as they try to understand, which is normal and healthy.
If your family has a faith, you can include your beliefs while still explaining what death means in real, physical terms.
How much detail should I give a child about death?
Be truthful, using simple language suited to their age. Answer only what they ask and check what they already understand. Children often want short, clear answers, not long explanations.
Avoid hiding the truth, as children notice when something feels wrong. Being open builds trust and helps them feel safe. If you become upset while talking, that’s fine. It shows them it’s ok to have feelings.
Should a child attend a funeral?
Yes, if they want to. Explain what will happen, who will be there, and how people might act. Describe what they might see or hear, such as music, flowers, or people crying.
Give them choice and reassurance. Some children prefer their own goodbye, such as drawing a picture, writing a message, or placing something special in a coffin or memory box.
If they choose not to attend, plan another way for them to say goodbye, such as visiting the grave or lighting a candle at home.
Is it ok for my child to see me cry?
Yes. It shows that sadness and love can exist together. If they seem worried, tell them you’re sad but still able to look after them. This helps them see that feelings come and go.
You might also see them play out the death in games or drawings. This is a normal way of processing loss. Give gentle reassurance and let them lead the conversation.
What signs show that my child is struggling with their grief?
- Look for changes in behaviour, sleep, or mood. They might:
- Become quiet or withdrawn
- Show anger or frustration
- Struggle to focus in school
- Have nightmares or trouble sleeping
- Complain of stomach aches or headaches
- Seem younger in behaviour, such as wanting more comfort or attention
These signs often ease with time, but if they continue, it may help to speak to a bereavement support service such as Cruse or your GP.
How do different ages understand death and loss?
- Under 5s – See death as temporary or reversible. They may look for the person or expect them to return
- 5–8 years – Begin to understand death is final but may believe it can be avoided or reversed
- 9–12 years – Know death is permanent and happens to everyone. They may worry about safety or losing others
- Teenagers – Understand death like adults but may hide feelings or express them through anger or risk-taking. They need space, privacy, and choice in how they grieve
Every child is different. Their reactions depend on personality, family support, and how the death happened.
How can schools support my child if they are grieving?
Good communication helps. Let teachers or pastoral staff know about the bereavement so they can offer understanding and flexibility.
- Helpful support may include:
- A trusted adult they can talk to
- Breaks during lessons if needed
- A calm space to go when upset
- Extra time for homework or tests
- Being told gently about any upcoming lessons on loss or family topics
Many schools now have trained staff or counsellors who can offer extra support, so ask your school if they have a bereavement policy or specialist staff member who can help.
What resources or books can help my child talk about grief?
Books can help children explore feelings safely. Try:
- The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
- Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley
- Water Bugs and Dragonflies by Doris Stickney
- Sad Book by Michael Rosen
Cruse also offers free online activities, downloadable memory sheets, and workshops for children and families.
Encourage creative outlets such as drawing, writing letters, or using a memory jar to share thoughts and emotions.
How can I keep the memory of a loved one alive for my child?
Share stories and photos often. Create a memory box, scrapbook, or playlist together. Mark special days with arts and crafts, lighting a candle, taking a memory walk, or cooking a favourite meal.
These simple traditions help children feel connected to the person who died and keep their memory part of daily life. Keeping regular routines offers security, and remembering together shows that love continues after death.
Cruse provides printable resources to help families make memory jars, boxes, and journals at home.
Compassionate support for you and your family
Understanding how to talk to a child about death, grief and funerals can feel daunting, especially when you’re grieving yourself. We hope this guidance from Cruse Bereavement Support has offered reassurance and practical ways to help your child feel safe, supported and understood in one of life’s most challenging experiences.
Remember, every family’s situation will be different and there is no single “right” way to deal with grief, but you don’t have to face it alone.
We work closely with trusted organisations like Cruse Bereavement Support to offer compassionate guidance and advice with the arrangements and decisions that follow a loss.
If you or your child need further support, or if you’d like to understand what comes next, we’re here when you need us.
Get in touch at [email protected] or call us on 02920 797 516.
For more details of the support and services provided by Cruse Bereavement Support visit their website: https://www.cruse.org.uk/